One Year Later

I apologize in advance if this post sounds like a bunch of random word vomit, but my feelings are everywhere at the moment. I just re-read the post I wrote the night before Lawson was born. It's funny how I'm feeling the same emotions: happy, sad, excited, and anxious. With no better way to say it, I can't believe my baby will be one tomorrow. I also can't believe how emotional I am about it.

I love the age that Lawson is. I love watching him play and learn and discover new things everyday. I love to hear him laugh and squeal and say "Mama." I love to watch him walk. I love his open-mouthed kisses and bear hugs. But I miss my little baby. No, this does not mean I'm ready for another one. Everyone always said that by Lawson's first birthday I would be ready for another baby. That is completely untrue. I don't want another baby right now. You never really know what everyone means when they say, "Enjoy it. It goes by way too fast." until you are putting away tubs of baby clothes in the closet and a newborn diaper falls from the extra pile on the top shelf and you can't remember when your little boy used to be that small.

I've cried no less than ten times today. I guess it doesn't help that I visited and decided on a daycare today for Lawson (Justin got a new job! More on that later). Like I said, I love the age Lawson is now. I'm excited for him to experience each new day, but I'm sad for the days that have already gone by that I'm not going to get back.

However, no matter how emotional I am tomorrow, I will not let it stop me from enjoying his birthday. I can't wait to scoop him up out of his crib tomorrow and hug him. I want to celebrate him and enjoy him and reflect on what a great year we've had with him. Being a mother really makes you feel like each new day you have with your child is a gift. Lawson is the best gift I've ever received.

Happy birthday, Bear. I'll love you forever.

In full swing!

We are in the thick of our two weeks of birthday fun! As I'm writing, there are three minutes left in Justin's 30th birthday and I think he had a good day. Lawson made his daddy a jar filled with the top 30 reasons why Lawson and Mommy love Daddy. Justin gets to open one per day for 30 days. He said that he didn't cheat today and only opened one. Why do Lawson and Mommy love Daddy today? Because he helps with the laundry!

I just finished making Lawson's birthday onesies. I made two long-sleeved onesies and they each have a big number one on them in different fabrics. One is for Lawson to wear at his party and the other is for his actual birthday. I'll post pictures of them when he's actually wearing them because those photos will be much cuter than the photos of the onesies just laying on my ironing board.

I'm in the middle of making felt letters for Lawson's birthday banner but I took a break to shower and write a little blog entry. And to look up more first birthday party decoration ideas on Pinterest.

You know who is tuckered out from all the birthday fun around here? This little boy:

And he hasn't even had his party or birthday yet! He fell asleep on the living room floor last night while playing. Before I woke him up to give him a bottle and put him to bed, I fulfilled my motherly duty and took pictures. He then slept for 14 hours last night. I think he is going through his one-year growth spurt. There was one night last week that he slept for 15 hours without a peep and then took an almost three-hour nap!

Unlike my little bear, sleep is not a priority on my list in the next few days as I get ready for his party. Back to making decorations...

Multitasking

Can you clap and walk at the same time? Lawson can.

The next two weeks in the Leavell house are sure to be pretty exciting! Justin turns 30 on Wednesday (Lawson and I are crafting up a little surprise for that...shhh...), Lawson's first birthday party is on Saturday, and Lawson turns one on Thanksgiving! If you need me, I'll be cleaning, decorating, cooking, or rocking back and forth in the corner as I come to the realization that my baby is turning one.

Happy Birthday to...ME!

Today I turn the big 2-6. In honor of my birthday, Mt. Vernon closed school for the second day in a row. OK...maybe the snow had something to do with it. Nonetheless, I've had an awesome two days off with Justin since his regular days off are Tuesdays and Wednesdays.

I've spend my unexpected days off working on school stuff, so nothing fancy. But sometimes I think teachers enjoy a snow day just as much as the kids do. I was reassured of this as myself and two other teachers poured over the radar on Monday during SRT (student resource time) to see just exactly when the snow would hit so we knew the likelihood of a snow day yesterday. I would have been OK with just that one, but they threw in another one today, and well, I'm not complaining.

However, I do hope to go to school tomorrow without even a delay. We have a speaker coming in the afternoon that I do not want to miss. His name is Sam Childers and the work he has done to help African children that have been affected by the war in northern Uganda and southern Sudan is extremely commendable. I am currently reading his book and you can find more information about his mission and organization here and here. I taught a class this past quarter that included reading the book A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah about his experience as a child soldier in Sierra Leone. It's hard to imagine that children are still going through experiences like this in 2010.

On a much, much lighter note (and what seems somewhat trivial after writing the last paragraph) Justin has made this birthday fun even though we haven't been anywhere since we didn't want to brave the weather. In fact, he just got done making me the best birthday cake...Funfetti, of course!


And later he is making my favorite dinner of cubed steak with mushroom gravy, homemade mashed potatoes, and white corn. Good for you? No. But delicious and completely acceptable to eat on your birthday? Yes.

Well, back to working on things for school.

Ups, Downs, & Indifferents

A way to organize the last month and a half:

UP: Justin and I celebrated our first anniversary on October 18th. It was a very low-key celebration that included Justin being home for four days straight without working (the next time that might happen is when we have a child...and they might not even let him have that much time off then) so we enjoyed the company of each other from Thursday to Sunday and found it strange to eat dinner together four nights in a row.

UP: I coach some of the best cheerleaders around. We are now out of competition season and I am proud to say that the JV came in third in the state competition and Varsity placed first in the small co-ed division at the Indiana Cheerleading Association state finals. Yep, first. Which means they are state champions. Which means they have gold medals. Which means that they will be fitted for state championship rings in the next couple of weeks. And it means that they are a great group of kids and I'm pleased and thankful that I got to be a part of such a huge accomplishment.

DOWN: My grandmother passed away last week. She was the head of my family on my father's side and the whole heart of the family, really. I spoke at her funeral and felt honored to do so. I think several of my family members will feel lost for a long time, but we will find comfort in each other, and like I said at the funeral, we are the lucky ones that got to be on the receiving end of her love and while she may not be here, at least we get to hold on really tight to that love.

INDIFFERENT: School. Ugh. So overwhelmed. I should be grading something or making an answer key for something or writing a lesson plan for something right now, but I had to take a break. But now that I just wrote that I feel guilty for not doing something for my job. Geez.

UP: I went to a Relay for Life leadership conference this past weekend and had an amazing time. More on that in separate post, but I got re-energized to plan this event. It really just confirmed that I am doing something awesome to honor my mom and that makes me feel good.

DOWN: My dad is selling my childhood home in Muncie and Jess and I had to go there yesterday to help go through some stuff. I'm having a really hard time with this. Is it just a physical structure? Technically. Is it so much more to me? Absolutely. It's hard. I feel like one chapter of my life is ending and I'm definitely not ready to turn the page. It is bringing up a lot of grief from my mom's death that I thought I had worked through. And I feel that I need to keep everything from the house. I feel like if I get rid of something, then I'm getting rid of the memory, and while I know that's not true, it's just hard and that's the only way I can explain it.

UP: It is the holiday season and if I didn't have a million things to do for school, I would totally start decorating for Christmas right now. I absolutely love this time of year and if the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas could last for a few months instead of one then I would be one happy girl!

DOWN: My little Maggie kitty is, indeed, getting older. Justin and I took her for her yearly check-up and found out that she has the early stages of hyperthyroidism. Basically that means that her metabolism is extremely high (which explains why/how she digests food so fast and is hungry all the time...including wanting breakfast at 4 a.m.) and she will continue to lose weight gradually (which an 11-year-old kitty should not do) and eventually it will be full-blown and by then her life expectancy should be about two to four years, which really will be her expectancy anyway by that time. So we are just going to weigh her each month and see when she goes into full hyperthyroidism and go from there. But I continue to snuggle with her as much as possible and feed her scraps from the table almost daily!

DOWN: I haven't seen my friends since BSU homecoming and I know I haven't been the best friend lately since I have been so overwhelmed and busy with cheerleading. But I will see them this weekend so I can make up for some lost time!

UP: Today is Justin's birthday! He is 28 today. Since it is Monday (and if Justin didn't work at the theater on a Monday the place might cave in on itself) he won't be home until around 8:30 so we are having a party when he gets home. The guest list consists of the two coolest girls around...me and Mags. So I am about to put his birthday cake in the oven (he's not a fan of store-bought cake) and I will be ready to sing a solo "Happy Birthday" to him when he walks in the door...party hats and all. I'll take pictures!

Ok, gotta bake a cake! And grade...