Lawson's Birth Story

Just as I thought it would happen, Justin and I did not get much sleep at all the night before Lawson was born. We spent that night taking turns looking at each other every half hour to make sure the other one wasn't freaking out. That night was filled with laughs and hugs and tears. It was a great night and one that seemed perfect as our last night of just the two of us. I remember falling asleep around 1 a.m. and waking up around 3:30 a.m. and realizing Justin wasn't in bed with me any longer. He had moved to the living room like he always does when he can't sleep. I read for a little bit, he came back to bed, and we talked for awhile before we both tried to go to sleep but never really succeeded.

We got up that morning and were too wrapped up in making sure that everything was packed and ready to go to really think and be nervous. We said goodbye to Maggie (poor kitty's world was about to be turned upside down and she didn't even know it), loaded the car, and off we went. We arrived at the hospital and had to wait awhile in triage before the process really got started. The first couple of hours we were there were filled with being hooked up to monitors (I was having contractions but didn't feel them), IVs, and a million questions for me while Justin put our things in our room and fielded the question of if he had the camera from me about a hundred times. My nurse in the morning and throughout my C-section was nothing short of amazing. She was funny and extremely calming. She always let me know what was going on while it was going on and I felt so comfortable around her. She never made me feel like my questions or concerns were stupid, which is what I was afraid of in a nurse. I understand that they are around deliveries/C-sections everyday, but I'm certainly not.

A couple of hours flew by and off to the operating room we went. Well, I went. Justin wasn't allowed to come in the room until my spinal block was correctly placed and I was on the table. I was very nervous to be without him, but something happened then that I don't think was a coincidence. I walked into the operating room, teeth chattering and knees shaking because I was so nervous (plus, it's really cold in there). I sat down on the table to wait to have the spinal block put in (they can't put it in until they know the doctor is on his/her way to perform the C-section since it only lasts for so long) and James Taylor's "You've Got a Friend" came on the radio. My mom was a huge James Taylor fan. You can call me crazy, but when that song came on, I felt calm and comforted. I believe it was a sign that she was there with me, letting me know that everything was going to be OK. And it was.

My spinal was placed with no complications at all and Justin was brought in. Even though I could only see his eyes since he was all scrubbed up, I could tell he was nervous. I was trying to keep it together for him and he was trying to keep it together for me. From there things seemed to go by very quickly. Before I knew it, the curtain was up, I was feeling a lot of pressure (yes, what you hear the doctors/nurses tell C-section patients on TV really is what happens...it's A LOT of pressure), and we were both waiting to hear a first cry and find out if we had a son or daughter. The doctor let Justin do the honors on that last one. Once the little one was out enough, I saw Justin stand up, look at our doctor, and then say with such pride in his voice that we had a baby boy! The next thing I heard was little Lawson cry. I'm not sure how to describe that moment without being cliche. That cry was the best sound I had ever heard. It was the happiest, most beautiful moment of my life. I felt like I was standing in the corner of the room watching it all happen. Lawson cried, I cried, and Justin beamed. Lawson was raised above the curtain for me to see him. He was swollen and goopy and slimy and simply...gorgeous. And like only baby boys can, he peed three times between the operating table and the "cleaning off" station (for lack of what it's really called...if it has a proper name). While I was being...well, taken care of...Justin was snapping photos. For a moment I felt alone there on the operating table, but in a good way. I thanked God for my healthy baby boy, I closed my eyes and felt my mom's presence all around me, and took a few moments to look over at what was now not just my husband, but my family. My boys.

Lawson passed all of his tests with flying colors and the time came for him to be weighed. Now remember, if you will, I had a scheduled C-section because little Lawson wasn't supposed to be so little. I think I asked about three times before he was weighed how big he was but everyone kept telling me he hadn't been weighed yet, so the anticipation was building. When our little man was finally placed on the scales, he was only 7 pounds, 15 ounces. I say only because he was estimated to be 9 1/2 pounds at least! Justin and I looked at each other when his weight was announced and joked with the nurse to weigh him again because there was no way that could be right! I was shocked for a second and then locked eyes with my doctor. She knew what I was thinking: Hey Doc, if he wasn't even 8 pounds, why am I strapped down to this table, gutted like a fish, instead of recovering from a vaginal delivery (like I wanted)? She didn't miss a beat and said, "You would have never pushed his head out anyway." Oh yeah. He did have a big noggin.

Once he was weighed, he was swaddled and given to Justin. Lawson was the first newborn Justin had ever held and he looked completely natural. He looked happy and calm and like he had been playing this role of daddy his whole life. He brought him over to me so I could kiss him. I find it interesting when people (parents included) describe newborns as strangers and that it takes time to get to know them. I didn't feel that way at all. I already knew him. I knew that he got hiccups almost everyday, especially in the evening. I knew that he liked to stick his butt out on the right side of my belly just as I got into bed every night. I knew the soft punches he gave me in the middle of the night, like we were the only two people awake at 3 a.m. and it was our little secret. I knew he was a little boy, even though no one had ever confirmed that to me. I knew that if I pressed on a certain spot on my belly, he would kick back. I knew him. I guess in a way it was like meeting him for the first time as I stared at him and tried to memorize his features, but it was also like looking into his eyes and seeing my soulmate that I'd known for my entire life.

He was placed in my arms for the ride to our room. After nurses fussed over both of us again as we arrived in our room, he was placed skin-to-skin on my chest. While Lawson was snoozing away on my chest and I was enjoying the indescribable high of first-time motherhood, we decided we would delay the family meeting him a little longer but that Justin should go to the waiting room and at least share with them that we had a perfect baby boy. I was jealous that he got this task but very excited for him. I think that one of the most special moments for a first-time daddy is the walk into the waiting room to share the news with the anxious family members. Someone had given us the advice that he should take the camera with him and take a picture of the family just as he walked out to catch their excitement. It is one of my favorite pictures from the day. I love knowing that those huge smiles were of genuine excitement and all for our baby boy.

After Lawson and I snuggled for awhile, nature did it's thing and he began wanting to breastfeed. We stumbled a little awkwardly through that first feeding, but it went fairly well and Lawson quickly fell back to sleep. At that time we decided it was time to allow family to come in and put them out of their waiting patiently misery. Justin and I had decided awhile back that my dad would be the first visitor in to meet Lawson. This was my request. While I knew the day would be obviously joyous, I also knew that it would be incredibly difficult to not have my mother there. Since I knew my dad would be feeling the same way, I wanted to have a few moments with my dad and my new baby to let our emotions out without an audience.

Once my dad entered the room, tears came to my eyes as I heard him already choked up as he washed his hands. He came right to my bedside and took Lawson in his arms. I had a feeling at that moment that is difficult to describe. I think there is something awesome about giving my dad the gift of a grandchild. I was so thankful already that I was chosen to be Lawson's mommy, but thankful all over again that with that gift, I was able to make my dad a grandfather. We cried happy and sad tears at that moment and I smiled as my dad held Lawson for the first time and looked at him as if he had known him forever. My dad said what everyone was thinking, "I wish your mom was here to see this." Me too, Dad. But I know she was. I allowed myself to be sad that day about my mom when I needed to be. But more importantly, I allowed myself to not let that sadness overcome me. I felt very peaceful throughout the entire day when I thought about my mother and her physical absence because I knew she was present in other ways. I feel her all around me more now that I am a mother than I ever did before.

After my dad had a few minutes, we let the rest of the grandparents and Aunt Jessica and Uncle Shane come back to meet Lawson. We also had other family members and friends visit throughout the evening. I didn't really have time to be tired or in pain. I never was in much pain or uncomfortable that first day, except that the drugs they give you after a C-section make your face itch like mad, at least they did for me.

We kept Lawson in the room with us that first night, which meant we got very little sleep and jumped at every little grunt, squeak, and sound that Lawson made. But we were on a cloud higher than nine and didn't mind. However, we did come to our senses the second day and had the nurses take Lawson to the nursery for a few hours the next two evenings. Apparently all of the nurses in the nursery fought over holding him the entire time he was down there, so I know he was loved on while Mommy and Daddy got some much-needed sleep.

Thanks to the nurses, staff, my doctor, morphine, and percocet, our stay at the hospital was incredibly comfortable and easy. Recovering from a C-section is no joke but I took the advice of several people and got up and moving as soon as I could. The encouragement, love, and support I got from Justin made me feel like a rockstar, which was extremely helpful.

After the first day in the hospital, we spent the rest of the time with few visitors, which was actually nice as we soaked in our baby boy and enjoyed our first few days as a family of three. We were lucky to eat two different Thanksgiving dinners brought by family members and even dressed Lawson up in his Thanksgiving outfit, even though it was way too big for him.

On Saturday afternoon we packed up our things, strapped Lawson into his carseat for the first time and headed home. I was really sad to leave the hospital. Everything seemed so easy while we were there and I was scared that we had to go home and do this on our own, but ready for the adventure.

Here are some more photos from the day:

 A proud daddy and his boy.

 First photo of our family of three.

 Lawson's first bath just a few hours after he was born.

 We spent a lot of time like this in the hospital.

 Lawson's first Thanksgiving! He was in this outfit for about five minutes for the photo op.

 This is the first picture we got of him with his eyes open!

All ready to go home!

(Goodness...Mama needs some make-up.)

 

Lawson is the biggest love of my life and I feel so honored to be his mother. After just re-living all of that, I must go wipe my tears and snuggle with my baby boy.