This is Not My Life

Do you ever feel that so much life is going on around you and you are completely missing out on everything? OK, don't get me wrong, I absolutely, 100% love my life with Justin. But I can't help but think lately that there is so much more that I could be doing with my life.

I had a sorority sister that coined a phrase, "This is not my life". Her name was Nicole Gallo, and well, in a brief description, she was awesome. She would use the "this is not my life" phrase when something was going on with her that just wasn't who she was. She taught us to use it if we were stressed or sad or angry and to simply beat your right fist into your open left palm while repeating over and over "This is not my life!" When it comes to how I'm feeling right now, it's the only phrase that sums it all up.

From the outside looking in, it seems that I have a great life. I'm married to one heck of an amazing man, I have a rewarding and steady job, a great apartment, awesome friends, a devoted family, etc. etc. etc. But something just doesn't feel right lately. I had a pretty big roller coaster of a year last year with losing my mom (the lowest point of my life) to getting married (clearly the highest point of my life). When not dealing with and celebrating those moments, I had school to distract me, and with cheerleading, the yearbook, and keeping my head above water in a sea of freshmen, I never had time to think that everything wasn't complete. But now that I'm out of school and have a lot of time on my hands, I find myself sitting within the walls of this apartment watching mindless reality television and soap operas and wallowing on the couch thinking about how mundane my life has been in these past couple of weeks.

Now that I've successfully thrown myself a pity party, it's time to not only say "this is not my life", but do something about it. There are changes I want to make that aren't going to make themselves. I just realized that someone reading this might be thinking that I'm being very vague, but to be honest, I don't know all of the changes I need to make. Clearly I'm not physically healthy and that needs to change. After completing Relay for Life (an entry on that is coming soon) I would love to get more involved in supporting cancer research. I want to write more. I just want to do more with my day instead of getting up, eating breakfast, and figuring out how I can fill 10 hours with television shows. I could be a better friend. I could be a better family member. I could be a better wife. I could be a better person. And it's just time to start making that happen.