Thankful for...

...him.

Oh boy!

Lawson Shane Leavell was born today at 10:33 a.m. He weighs 7 lb. 15 oz. and is 21 1/2 inches long. Everyone was surprised he didn't weigh more! He is perfect and we are so in love. More of his birth story later on!

Ready or Not

I'm having a baby tomorrow.

TOMORROW.

And I'm speechless.

Well, almost.

I go from moments of excitement to nervousness back to excitement and then to freaking out. I have so many fears, so many concerns, and so many other feelings that I really can't put into words.

I feel like I've been pregnant forever. I don't feel like it was "just yesterday". I remember the exact moment I found out. I remember what I was wearing, what I was thinking, who I called first (hi, Ashley) and how I told Justin. I remember when I first felt the baby move. I remember how I felt when Justin finally felt the baby move and his reaction to him or her. I remember a lot, but I fear what's ahead. Having a C-section is definitely not the birth plan I always imagined for myself. I always pictured my water breaking, the exciting drive to the hospital, the hard work of pushing and delivery, etc. But God and the baby had other plans. I was very disappointed at first knowing that I won't be delivering as I had always thought. But as my doctor has told me many times, the end result of a pregnancy is a healthy, happy baby and mother and that's exactly what I'm planning on and hoping for.

In many ways, we are ready. The nursery is ready. The pack 'n' play is set-up in our room, just waiting for a baby to sleep in it for the first time. The diapers are bought, the wipes are bought, all of the clothes and the blankets are clean, folded, and put away. All of the baby gear is put together and the car seat is snug in my backseat just waiting to bring Little Leavell home in a matter of days. We've even tried to prepare Maggie for what's about to happen.

However, in many ways, I feel we are not ready.

Is it bad that I can't wrap my head around the fact that tomorrow Justin and I will be parents? I know we are going to have the baby but I don't know that it's fully hit me that this baby, our little boy or girl, is going to go home with us and we, alone, are going to responsible for it. I hope that doesn't make me a horrible person.

I also hope it doesn't make me a horrible person that I fear how our marriage is going to change. I know our relationship will change; that is inevitable. But we've talked a lot in the past couple of weeks about how we both are a little sad to see our life of just the two of us go away. We have a lot of fun together. We laugh A LOT. We find stupid things to do together. I really enjoy the time we spend together. Is it natural to feel like I'm going to miss that? I hope so. I swear I'm not a horrible person. But I love Justin. I LOVE HIM. And as much as I fear the change in our relationship, I also can't wait to see him as a daddy tomorrow. I can't wait to see the look on his face when our baby is born and how he looks when he first holds him or her. I can't wait to see him experience a whole new kind of love that I don't even know he is expecting.

I fear I'm not ready for how I'm going to feel tomorrow without having my mom there. I've thought a lot about this, so much more than I've told anyone. As my sister and I grew older, my mom wanted nothing more than to be a grandmother. I feel guilty that she never got the chance. Will she know? Will she be watching as her grandson or granddaughter enters the world tomorrow? I know the answers to these questions. But I'm sad. I'm sad she won't get to hold him or her. I'm sad she won't get to cry with me and rejoice with me. I'm sad she won't get to brag and boast about her grandbaby. I'm sad that the baby won't feel the love that she would have had for him or her. Because it would have been a lot. But I'm not sad about the baby not knowing who my mom was. Because he or she will know. I'll make sure of that.

So ready or not, the baby is coming tomorrow. All approximately nine pounds of it.

Let's end this with one more of these:

How far along: 38 weeks and 6 days (will deliver tomorrow at exactly 39 weeks)

Total weight gain: Approximately....too much. I plan on losing at least nine pounds tomorrow :-)

Sleep: Ha! I wake up at least once a night to go pee and several, several more times to toss and turn. I think Justin is looking forward to non-pregnant sleep more than I am!

Best moment this week: Spending a lot of time with Justin and seeing the baby again today on the ultrasound.

Movement: At the moment the baby is putting a lot of pressure on me because little one likes to stick his/her butt and back out. My belly looks lopsided right now.

Gender: Still thinking boy but we will find out soon!

Labor signs: None! The ultrasound technician said today that the baby's head was still floating (not putting pressure on my cervix) which means my body is not ready to go into labor on its own anytime soon. Boy is it in for a surprise!

Belly button in or out? Fully out.

Cravings: Fried mushrooms from The Grill 2 in McCordsville. Justin is picking them up right now as I type this.

What I miss: Fitting into clothes. Even my maternity clothes don't fit anymore. Oh, and tying my shoes.

What I am looking forward to: Meeting our little baby tomorrow!

Maternity Photos!

I suppose I should post these while I'm still pregnant!

My awesome friend Ashley took maternity photos of me and Justin a little while ago at the Indianapolis Museum of Art. I have to admit, I was large (ha...like I'm not now) and not feeling cute at all. However, Ashley is not only a photographer, but a miracle worker because I couldn't have asked for better photos. Upon seeing them for the first time I absolutely loved them and felt that I didn't look like a big ugly blob! Here are some of my favorites. And I say some because we have a lot and I had a hard time narrowing them down. I know I chose some where you can't even see my belly, but I just thought those were good, current pictures of me and Justin! Thanks, Ashley! I can't wait for you to photograph the little one when he or she is on the outside of my belly!

Alphabetical Update

A is for attic.

Four months in and we've finally started utilizing this space in our house. Remember what this room used to look like?


It doesn't look like that anymore! We cleaned and purged and now we can walk around in there. We made a couple of illegal trips to the old apartment complex's dumpster (we're rebels), we gave Goodwill a nice-sized donation, and finally we put a lot of stuff in the attic. And by we, I mean Justin. He almost fell out of the attic one day. We laugh about it now. But at the time? I was freaking out about how my almost 9-month-pregnant self would get my unconscious husband into the car to drive him to the hospital. We got rid of a lot of stuff but still saved a lot. Because someday I'm going to be thankful that I saved every sorority T-shirt I ever had. I don't want to post a current picture of that room yet. It still has some boxes in it because we can't put books away until we have bookshelves, silly. But we were able to move the computer in there. It will probably be several more months until it looks like how I want it to look, but that goes for the rest of the house too.

B is for bedrest.

I've been resting since 11/15. I went to my regular appointment and everything looked great. My doctor asked if I was working right up until I had the baby. The answer to that was yes. She asked if I was in pain. The answer to that was hell yes. She said that if it was an option for me, she prefer I rest until I have the baby due to me not feeling well (I've had the cold from hell) and the overall discomfort I've been in. I took her up on her offer to write my school a nice little note saying that I had to be off work beginning the next day. So my last day of school was on Monday and I've been doing a lot of sitting and resting and re-positioning and more sitting and resting since then. It's been nice. Especially since you can't take any real cold medicine when you are pregnant. Plain Mucinex should not be considered cold medicine. I need the good stuff that you buy from behind the pharmacy counter and have to show ID for. And that folks, isn't good for the baby. So my days are filled with rest so my body can kick this cold before Little Leavell is born. And how do I know the exact day I'm having this baby? I know because...

C is for C-section.

You guys, the baby is huge. OK, he or she is not going to break the world record or anything. (And for your information...the largest baby ever born weighed 23 pounds, 12 ounces...holy crap...at least that's what the first website that Google came up with said...I didn't spend too much time researching.) But I've been measuring big since about half-way through my pregnancy so the doctor ordered a growth-scan ultrasound at 36 weeks. We go in for the ultrasound and the first thing the technician asked was this: "OK, who in the family has a big head?" First? Not a good sign. Second? "Me." I feel I have a large head. And I suppose I passed that onto my baby. That's probably better than he or she getting my Fred Flinstone feet. Anyway. The baby's head already measured at 9 cm. Also, the baby weighed 7 pounds. That's in the 85th percentile for weight. (I can thank the Leavell side of the family for this larger-than-average baby. Jess and I were small to average-sized babies. Shane and Justin were linebackers.) The limbs measured on track. So I asked if the baby would look dispropotioned, you know, with it's big head and regular-sized limbs and all. The technician laughed and said that no, it will look normal. Whew. She also said that it had lots and lots of hair. So we went to our regular doctor's appointment after that and the doctor voiced concerned that the baby's head was going to be too big for me to deliver vaginally. Small pelvis plus big head doesn't equal an ideal birthing experience. So she started talking C-section. She said that I could try and push, but that she thinks I'll end up with a C-section anyway, so if I just wanted to schedule a C-section (which is what she suggested) then we could go ahead and do that. So we did. Unless I go into labor on my own, we will be welcoming our baby into the world on Wednesday, 11/24 at 10 a.m.

D is for design.

Mixed things up on this blog again. I felt it needed a fresh look. And with the fresh look might come more regular blog postings. Don't hold your breath, though. But enjoy the new design. Any shade of turquoise is my new favorite color.

E is for Edna Mae.

I have the cutest baby book ever. Ever. I really wanted a baby book that was unique and modern and didn't contain Precious Moments characters on the cover. So I searched. And Googled. And searched some more. The result? Edna Mae. It's a shop on Etsy that creates some of the cutest baby books around. I mentioned at lunch at school one day that I found this baby book that I loved. However, I didn't think I could justify the price of it to Justin. Mainly because he probably wouldn't understand why a baby book had to cost more than, say, $14.99. So my friend Alyson said that she would buy it for me and that would be her gift to me and the baby. I protested. She insisted. I graciously accepted. It came in the mail a week ago and I just love it. I love it so much that I have anxiety that my handwriting will look atrocious in it and haven't written a thing in it yet. But I'll muster up the courage soon. In the mean time, check out it's modern cuteness:


F is for failed.
Failed referendum, that is. Our school corporation had a general fund referendum on the ballot a couple of weeks ago and it didn't pass with flying colors. You know what that means? A lot of suckiness coming up for Mt. Vernon Community Schools. That's the easiest way to put it. It sucks. The current government of this state has decided that education is one area it likes to shit on. A lot. So since it is cutting money again for next school year, and we were already down to what we thought was the bare minimum, we have had to cut even more. So what's ahead next year for my school corporation? Probably no sports K-8, probably no extra-curricular activites K-12, probably paying to play sports in high school, and probably several teachers and support staff losing their jobs. I say probably because no final decisions have been made. But if you have a money tree in your backyard that contains $1 million, I'm sure our superintendent would run right over and pick it clean.

G is for garage door opener.

Justin and my dad installed our garage door opener a few weeks ago. That's it. I just needed something for the letter G.

H is for Harper...for now.
This is still our #1 name pick if the baby is a girl. We've gone back and forth on it, though. Why? Because I feel it is becoming really, really popular. Two couples in our childbirth class had the name picked out for their babies, one couple in our breastfeeding class had it picked out, and another teacher at school who is due in January has it picked out for her little girl. So that makes us hesitant to go ahead with it if we have a little girl. I didn't know it was becoming so popular, but we get the feeling it is. I'm not sure if we will keep it for a baby girl or not. We have other options, but haven't really shared those with many people so we are going to keep them to ourselves for now. One name for a girl we are sure on? The middle name. No matter what first name we choose for a girl, the middle name will be Misty, in honor of my mom. We were unsure at first because we didn't think that people would think that it would flow well as a middle name. But then we decided that we didn't care what people thought (no offense, of course) so Misty will be the middle name. (Sidenote: I have a strong feeling it's a boy anyway, so maybe we don't have to worry about a girl's first name.)

I is for intuition.
I'm really worried about this whole mother's intuition thing. Will it really kick in? Will something automatically tell me what my baby needs/wants? I get it that I'm pregnant and that I'm having a baby in a matter of days. But what I still can't wrap my head around is the fact that I'm going to be a mother. Someone's mom. That scares the hell out of me.

J is for Justin.
Perhaps you've noticed that he's taken a small liking to writing on this blog every now and then. I like the new perspective. I didn't ask him to do it and when he makes nice comments about me? I don't even ask him to do that! He does that all on his own. Of course, he makes fun of me all on his own too. And speaking of that...let me clear one thing up. I wanted to help put the crib together. It just so happened that I ended up sitting on the floor and watching. But for the record, I had good intentions thankyouverymuch.

K is for Kindle.
I want a Kindle for Christmas so bad that I can't stand it. Have you seen one? They are awesome. And I'm a big dork for saying that.

L is for Lawson.
This name pick for a baby boy is definitely not going to change. This was the first baby name we agreed on and we still love it. Middle name for a boy? I'm pretty sure we will go with Shane, Justin's brother's name. I really like that name and I really like honoring a guy that has made such a great impact on Justin's life and been one of the best friends he's ever had.

M is for Maggie.
I couldn't update without mentioning her! Especially when she's had such an eventful last couple of weeks. What happened? My baby had to have surgery. (Do you think Child Protective Services will take my real baby away if I refer to my cat as my baby? I hope not.) A few weeks ago I noticed that Maggie wasn't feeling well. Call me lame, but I've had this cat for almost 12 and a half years, and I know when she doesn't feel well. She was spending a lot of time in the litter box and was acting very sluggish. I thought it might be a urinary tract infection so I got her an appointment at the vet. First of all, let's just say that Maggie hates being put into her pet carrier. Actually, hate is an understatement. She despises that thing. And please remember that my precious little kitty still has all of her claws. Imagine the massacre for the person that tries to put her into the pet carrier. That lucky person this time? Me. All by myself. Justin was at work and I made the appointment for after school. So I get home from school, shut all of the bedroom doors so that she can't go hide under any of the beds and start to go pick her up. Too late. She knew. She didn't even have to see the stupid pet carrier to know that I was about to try and put her in it. Me. All by myself. Eight and a half months pregnant. I go to pick her up for the first attempt and she peed all over me and the laundry room floor. Well, at least that answered the question the vet had. Yes, there is blood in her urine. Please try to get a mental image of all of this. In hindsight, it was funny. So after a few more failed attempts of me torturing my already sick cat, I noticed an empty Rubbermaid plastic tote sitting in our living room. Perfect, I thought. Maggie has no fear of this. In fact, she usually loves empty laundry baskets and plastic totes. So I did the most inhumane thing ever...I threw her in the empty plastic tote, put the lid on, and rushed out the door. They did some X-rays at the vet and determined that she had stones in her bladder. Well no wonder she couldn't pee as of late. The fix for this? Surgery. I cried when the vet said that. I'm lame. And I have raging pregnancy hormones. By then Justin had met me at the vet (because I frantically called him in the midst of not being able to get her in the pet carrier and he was able to leave work early) and threw me a look that said "Get ahold of yourself you psycho and stop crying over the cat." So they kept her (this was a Monday afternoon), surgically removed the stones on Wednesday, and we picked her up on Thursday. She did great. She was definitely tired for a few days and giving her two different medicines orally twice a day for four days wasn't fun but she is much better now. She now has to be on a prescription diet so that the stones don't come back. That diet? Doesn't come cheap. We take donations. Here's a picture of her on the Thursday we picked her up:

Poor little hairless belly...

N is for nursery.
This is probably my new favorite room in our house. It isn't finished yet and I'm going to do a separate post over it, but it is CUTE. One of the best things about it? This little guy lives there:


O is for orange.
To the American public--yes, it is possible to get ready for a baby if you don't know the gender of said baby. I can't tell you how many people...complete strangers mind you...that are shocked to learn that we don't know the sex of the baby. They worry so much for us that we don't have any clothes for the baby and that the nursery sits empty with white walls because we couldn't have possibly prepared it. News flash for all of those people--we have clothes. Clothes come in other colors besides pink and blue. We also have an almost finished nursery. Paint comes in other colors besides pink and blue. We chose a nice light orange color.

P is for pelvic pain.
TMI? Maybe. However, I feel I was prepared for every possible horrible pregnancy pain but this one. No one warned me about this one. My body has no clue that it is undergoing a C-section next week to have the baby so it's doing what nature tells it to--prepare for a vaginal birth. One part of that preparation? My pelvis softening and spreading for the baby to come out of it, because, naturally, that's what it thinks is going to happen. Does it not realize that I'm carrying a linebacker? Guess not. The best way I can explain the pain is that it feels like someone has kicked me in the crotch over and over and over again and then took hold of both sides of my pelvis and pulled. I hobble around like a little old lady. Justin laughs.

Q is for quiet.
We are soaking up as much quiet as we can until Wednesday. We know it's going to change then. Eek.

R is for reading.
I told Justin last week to watch for a package from Amazon in the mail. I told him that I had ordered some books I'd been wanting to read. We received the box on Tuesday. He was shocked. I had ordered seven books...all about parenting and breast feeding and what to expect in the baby's first year of life. Too much? I'm actively reading about three right now and he's reading another one. They are back-up in case an instruction manual doesn't pop out with the baby. Cause that happens...right?

S is for sleep-deprived.
I don't sleep. I toss and turn (and when I say toss...I mean I heave myself from hip to hip every twenty minutes). I get up to pee a lot. And if I'm not sleeping comfortably, Justin isn't sleeping comfortably. He also says I snore. That's still in question. But that's OK, because after Wednesday I'll be able to sleep on my stomach again and be comfortable and get a good seven to eight solid hours of sleep per night. Wait, it doesn't work like that with a newborn?

T is for twenty nine.
We celebrated Justin's 29th birthday on Tuesday. I really couldn't make it as nice as I would have liked to. But we enjoyed the evening and I made him blow out a candle on the pumpkin pie he wanted instead of cake.

U is for underwear.
I bought underwear last week. It's big. Very big. Granny panties, if you will. They are for after the C-section since I needed underwear that wouldn't rub the incision and none of the pairs that I currently own fit in that category. Justin said that to fold the underwear neatly he had to fold it twice, instead of just the one fold with my regular underwear. Needless to say, it's not cute and I'm pretty embarrassed by it. Moving on.

V is for Vera.
Bradley, that is. This box in the mail made me happy:

That contained my Vera Bradley diaper bag. I got one in black microfiber. On sale, even. Really, would I have it any other way?

W is for waddle.
I avoided it for as long as I could. However, I no longer walk. I waddle. Like a duck. Like a very large duck with a very sore back and pelvis.

X is for X-mas.
Ugh. Seriously, I hate it when people spell Christmas like that. But I needed something for X and since I haven't had any x-rays as of late and don't plan on taking up the xylophone, it just had to do. So we decorated for Christmas already. Right after Halloween, actually. We had just finished cleaning and organizing (see A is for attic) so we decided we might as well put up the Christmas decorations. Usually this activity is saved for the weekend after Thanksgiving. But we're thinking we'll be busy then.

Y is for year.
Remember back at the beginning of 2010 when I predicted that it would be a big year for us? Boy was I right.

Z is for Zzzzzzz...
Since I've been home for a week now, I realize just how much Maggie sleeps. Seriously. It's a lot. Her new favorite places? The bed in the guest room which must now be lint-rolled every other day, and underneath the Christmas tree. Really, though...how cute is this?


On that note, I'll end this ridiculously long update.

Nursery Item Number One

Jenn and I still have approximately 6 weeks before the little one arrives but yet I find myself in the nursery almost daily. This started about three weeks ago when Jenn finally made some baby furniture decisions. After weeks and weeks of "this looks good but this might look better", the decision was made. A few days later we had boxes and boxes sitting outside our front door. Now the great thing about having all of these boxes was that it gave me the chance to use my hands in a constructive manner, which I feel I rarely have the chance to do these days.

The first box that arrived was the crib (thanks Grandpa Rick) and I could not wait to bust into this box and get to work. To my surprise, Jenn wanted to help but I was not sure how that was going to work. Then I realized that her definition of helping was to sit on the floor and tell me what I needed to do. So the work on the crib began and it started out very well (meaning everything was in the box for a change). I was able to get the base put together, then I attached the first side wall. Next I installed the front and back side panels and then I inserted the spring frame. The last item to attach was the second side panel and I will be damned if I got to the last screw when Jenn noticed that I had the side panel on backwards. No big deal, a minor hiccup, so I took out the one screw I had in and flipped it around. Having that taken care of I put the last four screws in, excuse me, three out of the four. As I got to the last screw I could not get it to go in, so after several (several) minutes of moving each piece of wood around in order to get the last screw in, I caved and took the other three out. After removing the panel and inserting the uncooperative screw to make sure it did work without the panel, I got back on track. A few minutes later I had the first item up in the nursery, the crib. Here it is:


Only a dresser, six boxes of a shelving unit, a swing, a bouncer, and a pack 'n' play to go...

Mr. Leavell Joins the Blog

If you have visited our blog before, you probably already know that all of the posts have been written by Jenn. Well, that is about to change. Please give a warm welcome to Mr. Leavell.

My previous obligation to this blog was simply to read the posts after Jenn wrote each one. Now if you think you are going to get the wit from me that my wife brings to the table, you are in for a huge disappointment. All I plan to bring to the table is my day-to-day experiences that you will hopefully enjoy reading about.

As you may already know, Jenn and I are expecting our first child next month and I will be the first one to say that I am very excited about it (the one downfall to not knowing the gender--we have an "it" baby) but extremely nervous at the same time. I am still wondering what my reaction is going to be when the baby arrives, and even though I don't know what that is at the moment, everyone around me seems to have that figured out already. Those reactions have varied from, "Cool, now what's the Colts score?" to "Awesome, let's go home" or me simply passing out. Well, if the baby arrives on a Sunday, then that first one might be accurate, but I will do my best to put the Colts on the back burner for at least one Sunday.

Even though I don't know what my reaction is going to be, I do know this: I can't wait for our first child to arrive. I can't think of anything else that could possibly bring all of these emotions going through me all at one time: scared, happy, nervous, excited. These past 8 months have been incredible and as the last one creeps closer and closer I can't help but think about one thing all of the time: how amazing my wife is and how lucky I am to have someone like her in my life. And soon, I'll have two.

To My Sweet Little Baby...

I know you are getting used to our new routine since school has started again. You are probably wondering why we are up earlier, standing a lot more, and eating at very scheduled times of the day. You are kicking lower and have moved more into my tummy since I feel the kicks more inward than ever before. And while I love the little home I'm providing for you and I greatly enjoy feeling you grow and play in my belly, if you could do me a favor, I'd appreciate it. You know that nerve you are positioned on? The one that makes the middle of my back throb all. day. long. on the left side? The one that causes pain that is not eased by Tylenol, changing positions, or stretching? If you could please just let up a little bit, I'd appreciate it. Now, let's have dinner.

Love,
Your Mama

Justin felt the baby!

I've been waiting and waiting for this! So often when I feel the baby kick I will put my hand on my stomach and see if I can feel it from the outside and the stubborn little thing stops kicking. So last night we were watching TV and I was laying on my left side (the best side to lay on if you are prego) and the baby was kicking pretty hard after being a little lazy for the past few days. I kept putting his hand on my stomach to see if he could feel it, but it would stop. But after a few tries of this, he finally felt it! I put his hand on there and the baby kicked the hardest he or she has ever kicked. It even surprised me a little bit! He definitely felt it and he/she kicked hard again and then decided it was time to take a nap. I was so happy that he was finally able to feel the baby. Him? Well, he said it felt weird (understandably so, there is a person inside of me and you just felt it kick) but he was excited, too! Now if only we can make the baby understand that it isn't cool to kick me in the bladder several times a day. We'll work on that.

Home Sweet Home

Here I am. Sitting in my very own living room in my very own house. Eating my very own breakfast (a donut and about 3/4 of a bowl of peaches...one of the peaches had a weird texture and I couldn't eat those slices because they made me gag...ah, such is pregnancy).

We've been moved in for two weeks today. The walls are painted (well, almost...small hallway and baby's room to go), the dishes and clothes are put away and some curtains are up. Wait a second. Did I just make that sound like our house is in great shape and we are fully unpacked? Ha! That's a good one. Check this out:

And our computer currently sits on a folding table in the living room wedged between the TV and the fireplace.

It's a temporary set-up until that mess up there is clean and until someone (ahem...Justin) climbs up into the attic and runs cable down to that room so we can have internet in there and you know, until we get some more real furniture.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Want to see what this place looks like all clean and fresh and not full of boxes and STUFF? Here you go.

The front of our home! Precious, isn't it? And that FOR SALE sign has been removed :o)

The view from the entryway. This is the living room and if you were standing here, to the right would be a hallway that leads to two bedrooms and a bathroom.

This is the formal dining room. But we aren't that fancy. This room is right off of the living room (all opened up to it) and we will be using it as an office. I hope that someday soon this room is filled with several bookshelves (um, and books), a real computer desk, and a comfy chair.

This is the kitchen (duh). It is a very open floor plan so the kitchen, living room, and formal dining room, I mean, office, all feed right into each other. If you were standing here, the laundry room and garage would be behind you and to the left would be a small hallway that includes a HUGE pantry and that leads to our bedroom.

This is the backyard! A BACKYARD! OF OUR VERY OWN! Can you tell we are excited about this? We have woods behind us so it is very quiet and peaceful. We love it.

Now those pictures were taken the day of our inspection so there wasn't any paint on the walls or furniture in place or anything yet. It's coming along, though. It won't be decorated and all cute and how I really want it for quite some time but it will get there. It will just take some work, some decorating discussions, and a big fat $8000 check from Uncle Sam.

21 weeks!

This again!

How far along? 21 weeks

Total weight gain: You know, some number of pounds. Don't know how much I weighed before I was pregnant so I really don't know how much I've gained.

Sleep: It's been better, but now I feel it is going back to how it was the first semester...and that wasn't fun. I still wake up several times a night and at least now those times have a purpose: reposition from one side to the other since sleeping on my stomach or back is off-limits now or getting up to go to the bathroom. And now when I get up to feed Maggie at 4 a.m. I stay awake for a little bit. And that is not an exaggeration. I woke up between 3:48 a.m. and 3:53 a.m. for three nights straight. Maggie is on a strict schedule. Perhaps she is just preparing me for the little one to get here?

Best moment this week: Continuing to feel the baby swim and kick around. Those little punches and kicks are the best things I've ever felt. Some days he or she is mellow and some days I swear there is a little soccer player or boxer in there.

Movement: See above.

Gender: Still stumped on this. For no particular reason I've had a strong boy feeling from the beginning, but Justin had a girl dream the other night and the night after that I had two girl dreams. Hmmmm.

Labor signs: Nope!

Belly button in or out? Still in but getting pushed from the inside, if that makes sense.

Cravings: Garlic. Anything and everything garlic. Garlic bread, garlic pasta, garlic, garlic, garlic. Makes for some pretty good breath, too.

What I miss: A cold turkey sandwich. And all my clothes that don't fit anymore.

What I am looking forward to: For Justin to feel the baby!

Guest Blogger

I asked her to fill in for me during the end of the school year and the month of June. Imagine my surprise when I logged in last night and saw that she had done nothing. And then I found this picture. Talk about relaxing on the job.

Back in Action

I guess I've been enjoying summer break so much that I've neglected some "real world" things like email, blogging, and you know, those other things that don't involve soaking up every ounce of break as possible. So far my break has involved a lot of relaxing, closing on our house (more on that in a separate post), a very successful Relay for Life, a fun weekend trip with girlfriends to see a great friend's wedding, lots of cheerleading practice and one hot week at cheer camp, and of course spending time Justin, and growing a little baby. Sorry if I missed something monumental. The baby steals my brain these days.

Disclaimer to those of you that are currently rolling your eyes because you don't get a summer break: I love summer break. And I don't apologize or feel sorry for having one. That's all.

But with fireworks on July 4th comes anxiety. An anxious feeling that I have five more weeks of summer vacation. And gosh do I love summer vacation. I get stressed about the end of summer break kind of like how I get anxious the day after Thanksgiving about how Christmas is almost over. Anyone else weird like that?

Now it's time for me to break out of my fantasy world of no schedule and start to get back to reality. I have a lot of preparing to do for school in general and also need to get started on some maternity leave plans. I'll be gone during the last month of first semester and the first month of second semester and those are probably the worst times to be gone. But I'll make it work. I know that I'll have a little anxiety about it now but once it is time for the baby to come I won't focus on much else besides getting little Leavell safely into this world.

Speaking of my little son or daughter, (to tease those of you who wish we would find out what it is...our big ultrasound is on Thursday and we still aren't finding out...muhahaha) I have some weekly posts saved up about my pregnancy. When those are posted, I'll let you know. I know many people out there in America will be on the edges of their seats in the meantime.

Well, since I'm not good at writing these random, non-themed posts, I'm going to go and work on some focused ones where at least I think I'm a little witty. And if I'm not, keep that to yourself.

11 weeks!

In a way it seems like these weeks are flying by, and in a way it seems that they aren't.

Our little one is about one and a half inches long and is the size of a fig! He or she is starting to grow teeth and will be opening and closing its hands soon. I'm not supposed to start feeling any movement for about another month or two but I'm very anxious for it!

Not too much to report about me that is different from last week. I'm still feeling great. The great thing about this week is that everyone now knows I'm pregnant so it's been nice to have it out in the open and talk about it! And I apologize if you see me or talk to me on a daily basis and the baby is the only thing I talk about. When you have something this big and exciting going on in your life then it is all you want to talk about. Besides, it's better than the stories about how Maggie threw up all across the living room carpet last night.

Now, I must give a little ode to my husband in this 11th week of pregnancy. Though he doesn't have much experience with babies, he is very excited for this little one to be born. He has also been pretty awesome at taking care of me. It's the little things he does that I really appreciate. For example, the other night he brought home some cheeseburgers from McDonalds for me for dinner. (Sidenote: yes I realize that this isn't the healthiest dinner option, but I have quite the craving for a cheeseburger about everyday and this day I gave in; I don't eat them in abundance.) I told him on the phone to ask for them without pickles. I believe my exact words were, "If there is a hint of a pickle on either of those cheeseburgers then I will puke all over you." The threat was well-taken for him. He walked in the door and said, "Don't look in that bag. They gave me those cheeseburgers way too fast and I need to check to see if there are pickles on them." He then proceeded to unwrap the cheeseburgers out of my sight and check for pickles. They were pickle-free and safe for me to eat. He's a doll, isn't he? And yes, he does much more for me than just pickle-checking, but it was an act that I really appreciated!

On another note about Justin, there is one big thing that he doesn't like about this pregnancy. And it's my fault. It's my uncontrollable habit of Googling EVERYTHING. Last night I was talking about how I have insomnia lately and can't stay asleep and about how I Googled it and it is a symptom of pregnancy. He just looked at me and said something like, "To you and Google, everything is a symptom of pregnancy." Oops.

Now time for me to be a thief. I am stealing the following survey from my friend Ashley. I thought it might be nice to do it once in the first trimester and a few more times throughout the pregnancy. I took out a few questions for now (like if I'm having signs of labor...duh) but most of them pertain to me so it should be fun. Here we go!

How far along? 11 weeks

Total weight gain: We don't own one of those evil weighing devices. Based on my doctor's appointment last week, a couple of pounds.

Sleep: This is a sore subject. Sleep isn't my friend lately even though I'm more tired each day than I have ever been in my life. I'm a stomach sleeper and for now that still isn't a problem. However, I can't stay asleep at night. I can fall asleep just fine, but I wake up every couple of hours and sometimes every hour. I'm not sure why. Also, I've been sleeping in some weird position with my right arm because the past few mornings I've woken up and my right shoulder has been very sore. And don't forget that I'm already getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Fabulous. Can't a girl just get a solid eight hours?

Best moment this week: Telling people! While it has been fun telling everyone, the best moment could have been when I told my cheerleaders. I spend a lot of time with those girls (and guy), especially during competition season. Some weeks I see them more than I see Justin. The head coach, Stacy, sat them down and explained to them that each year that Mt. Vernon has won a state championship in cheerleading, there's been a pregnant coach (in 2006 Stacy was pregnant and in 2009 another assistant was pregnant) so that they probably have a good chance this year. Then she just looked at me and smiled and they figured it out. And then FREAKED OUT. More than half of them ran and hugged me at the same time and screamed and squealed in ways that only teenage girls can.

Movement: The only thing that I feel moving is all those cheeseburgers going through the digestive system.

Gender: This makes me sad because I have no idea. I haven't had any dreams about the baby yet and I'm sad about it! Early on I was much more concerned with boy names and kind of had a boy feeling, but lately a lot of people around me think it is a girl and I'm getting more convinced. The heartbeat was 170 at our appointment and some say that girl heartrates are higher so my dad's fiance Lea and my cousin Amber are convinced it's a girl. Justin's stepdad also has a pretty strong girl feeling. Now if only I would have a strong intuition!

Cravings: Duh, cheeseburgers. I don't think that I've had strong cravings quite yet. It's more like I know what I want when I want it but no one has had to drive a crazy distance at a crazy time to get a food that I can't live without.

What I miss: My one true love...diet coke.

What I am looking forward to: For my body to actually start looking pregnant. Right now I just look like I'm carrying about 40 extra pounds...oh wait...I am.

That's all!

Changes

Ah, that's better.

Yes, I realize that I changed the color scheme/layout of this blog a few weeks ago, but I must have been very depressed when I did it, because, well, it was very depressing.

So I changed it again. And I made it myself.

Now I feel it looks like a nice summer picnic and it's much more cheerful.

Yes, we are disgustingly happy right now with life. You'll just have to get used to it.

Enjoy!

Little Leavell

Remember some time ago when I predicted that 2010 would be a big year for me and Justin? Well, we are definitely on our way to making that prediction come true.

You've read that we bought a house. Now you can read about one very big (but yet very small) reason that we bought a house.

One of those three bedrooms in that house will be occupied by a little Leavell with an estimated arrival date of December 1, 2010.

Yep, the cat's out of the bag and I'm 10 and 1/2 weeks pregnant!

I've been writing about this awesome time in our lives for about six weeks now, so to read all the posts about the baby, click on "Little Leavell" under Labels on the right.

We look forward to sharing with you about our growing family and our new house! And don't worry for all you Maggie lovers, there will still be plenty of pictures of her!

10 weeks!

We have pictures of our little gummy bear!

We had our first ultrasound on Thursday and it went great. We heard a strong little heartbeat saw our little baby for the first time. Here are his or her first photos.

A profile shot.

We think that the baby might be facing us in this photo so that could be a really blurry image of its face. You can see its arms on both sides of the body.

Shows a strong heartbeat at 170.

So if you ask me, this just looks like a bunch of parts. But the focus is on the legs at the bottom.

Another shot of the baby maybe looking at us.

And another possible one of the face.

It was a pretty amazing experience. Our doctor, Dr. Ertel, was great. After she took some pictures, we just got to watch the little one move about for awhile and he/she was a mover and a shaker! We saw the legs crossed and a lot of movement in its arms.

The baby measured at about 9 and 1/2 weeks, so my due date of December 1st will stay the same. We can't wait for our early Christmas present!

And no, I don't love calling my child an it, but we will all have to get used to it. We will not know the sex of this baby until we meet him or her in about seven months!

Good Riddance!

It may be 40 degrees outside and feel like the middle of October as I write this, but it is a beautiful day here in McCordsville because the McStompers (aka our EXTREMELY loud upstairs neighbors) are moving out right at this moment!

Hallelujah!

To the McStompers: We will not miss the running races that you hold everyone evening to see which member of your family can run the fastest and stomp the hardest. We will not miss the fights that you have that always end up with one of you stomping (again) through the house and down the stairs. We will not miss the numerous shoes and toys that land on our patio from your balcony because your children think its funny to throw all of their belongings down our way. We will not miss your weird smelling food that comes into our apartment via our bathroom. And we will especially not miss your children, whom you must make scream at the top of their lungs for about 23 of the 24 hours in a day.

See ya, McStompers!

We got it!

I'm typing this at school so I have to hurry and I feel rather rebellious!

But just wanted to tell you all that we got the house! Our real estate agent called last night and said that the seller accepted our offer so unless we find out that the house is about to cave in on itself during the inspection...we will be homeowners! It makes us feel excited, nervous, blessed, and broke all at the same time!

9 weeks!

Our little one is about the size of a grape this week! My, how they grow so fast!

Apparently the baby has lost its tail (not growing a seahorse anymore) and is developing rather rapidly. We have our ultrasound a week from tomorrow and we are very eager to hear a strong little heartbeat.

As for me, I'm still feeling great. I'm not having any horrible physical symptoms. I've been pretty tired lately, and well, I could eat dinner at about 4 p.m. everyday, but nothing terrible beyond that. I'm very thankful and just holding out faith that this little boy or girl is doing fine in there!

While I haven't been having too bad of a time physically, I think I have one big case of pregnancy brain. I feel that normally I'm not that forgetful of a person. But lately, it's been awful. I'm forgetting things left and right. I haven't done anything crazy yet like leave my car keys in the refrigerator, but I do have a bad problem with getting ideas in my head that have absolutely no truth to them.

Example: Last weekend and for about half a day on Monday, I swore that my fourth period students were in the lab for class on Monday to work on research papers. I had everything ready for my other classes that day and kept thinking that it was nice that I would have a low-key day in fourth period since my students would be in the computer lab. Was my class on the schedule to be in the computer lab?

No.

And I didn't realize this until about 11:30 when another teacher sent an email out saying that she would not be using the upstairs lab (the one I thought I was in) for third or fourth period that day and that it was free if anyone wanted it. Huh, I thought. I could have sworn I had the upstairs lab signed up for my fourth block today. Then I had a sudden reality check when I realized that I never had the lab signed up, never even put in a request for it, and worse yet, really didn't have a back-up plan. Awesome. The baby is stealing my brain. Well, hopefully it's really intelligent if that's the case.

It all worked out in the end because since she didn't want the lab anymore, I was able to get in. Like I said before, I haven't done anything too crazy, but I'm fully preparing myself for the day that I walk out of a store and think that someone stole my car when I simply can't remember where I parked!

Second time's a charm???

Here is the update on the house hunting.

We put in an offer last week on the house that we thought would be perfect. Well, the seller didn't think our offers were too perfect after going back and forth with him a little bit. So when he wouldn't budge, we walked.

The walk was hard. I was pretty let-down and emotional about it all. For a little bit I thought we had a chance at buying Buckingham Palace and were denied. But I pulled myself together. Luckily I have an awesome husband that is very reassuring and gives incredible hugs. And I have a dad that has an overwhelming ability to always make me believe that everything happens for a reason.

And everything does.

Justin and I looked at several houses yesterday. Eight? Nine? I don't know. After awhile they all started to run together. The first two we looked at were great and no others really compared to those. We hit a little bump in the road after realizing that Justin liked house #1 better and I liked house #2 better, so we really weighed our options last night. Our real estate agent contacted the seller for house #2 (because it was priced higher) to see how willing he was to negotiate and it turns out that he was willing to accept the amount we were thinking. So we put an offer in today! Hopefully he wasn't bluffing last night and everything truly does work out because we really love this house.

And it's funny about that "everything happening for a reason" thing. The house that we are constantly crossing our fingers about now is actually better than the house we were wishing for last week. In hindsight, I'm glad that the first one didn't work out.

No one ever said that the train to Grownuphood would be a smooth ride, but we are learning that getting through the rough parts of the trip together really isn't so bad.

Are you bakin' one?

I guess that is the appropriate way for a freshman in high school to ask you if you are pregnant. Nice, huh?

I've been getting asked a lot if I'm pregnant or when Justin and I plan on having a baby and I'm just so conflicted on how to answer. We still aren't telling people until after our May 6th appointment, but I also feel that if I say no when someone asks me if I'm pregnant then I'm jinxing the baby and something bad will happen. But I could also just be a little crazy.

So here are some sample questions and my usual responses:

Person: "Are you pregnant yet?" (This usually comes from a student or a cheerleader. The cheerleaders would have had me pregnant the second we got back from our honeymoon if it was up to them.)
Me: (cheerfully and breezy) "You never know! I guess I could be!"

Now I know how weird that must sound. I obviously know if I'm pregnant or not. But this just gets them to smile and say that they hope I am and that they want to babysit.

Person: "When are you and Justin planning to have children?"
Me: "We wouldn't be opposed if it was soon."

Well, gosh. I hope we aren't opposed because it's coming!

Other questions and answers are similar. I don't want to deny the little one that I'm currently "baking" but we aren't quite ready to give away the big news yet.

As for how I'm feeling, I've been feeling great the past couple of weeks. I feel awesome and while I should be thankful, it also makes me a little worried. As bad as those cramps were and as uncomfortable as that back pain was, I liked the little reassurance that something was going in there everyday. I haven't felt particularly pregnant lately. I do get nauseous every now and then and it usually involves a food that I have put in my mouth that has a weird texture to me. But other than that, I feel pretty good. For now, I'll try to be more thankful than worried.

We did have our first doctor's appointment a couple of Fridays ago and that went well. So our lentil bean that grew to be the size of a blueberry and is now the size of a kidney bean in this 8th week seems to be doing great! And mommy and daddy are anxiously trying to get a house for our little family to grow in! We really couldn't be happier right now :o)

Grownuphood

I made up that word.

There is a difference between being an adult and being a grown-up. (And by the way, I just put the word grownup in dictionary.com to see if it is one word or has a hyphen and the dictionary people said that either one is acceptable.) You are technically an adult when you turn 18. Although, you don't have any leverage with your parents if you are still a senior in high school when you turn 18 and say something like, "I'll do whatever I want! I'm 18 now and that means I'm an adult!" However, I don't ever remember saying that. I'm sure my dad will clear things up if I did.

But I have felt rather adult-ish since I graduated high school. I think that going to and graduating from college is a very adult thing to do. Getting married seemed like something an adult would do. Living on my own (duh, and with Justin) seemed like an adult thing to do. But have I felt all that grown-up? Meh. Not all of the time.

Until this past week. Last Tuesday, Justin and I put on our big-kid-pants, grabbed our one-way tickets to Grownuphood and have not looked back. We are currently involved in a very grown-up process: buying a house.

Now I hope my closest friends and family members aren't reading this and feel very betrayed for me not sharing the news. But it has all happened so fast that sometimes I really have to concentrate to believe that it's really happening. We went to meet with a mortgage guy (for lack of his real, official title) last Tuesday to see if we would even be able to get a loan and for how much. After signing our names four bajillion times, we found out we did qualify and mortgage guy gave us the name of a real estate agent that he really trusts. Justin and the real estate agent were best friends by the time we left the bank after he called her and the whirlwind began.

The real estate agent said that if we got the ball rolling and were in contract to buy a house by the end of April that we would still qualify for the $8000 tax credit. (Thanks, Obama.) While $8000 sounded very appealing (sometimes, somedays, $8 sounds rather appealing) we didn't want to rush into anything unless we really loved a house and everything seemed to be falling into place.

So said real estate agent found us some houses in our area to look at. There weren't many since we really wanted to stay in McCordsville, and well, it's not that big. But I love, love, love this location. It's very close to school for me, a close drive to my sister's, my friend Ashley's, Target, the Hamilton Town Center, and other important places where we like to go. By Friday of last week I was off to look at four houses with Jess since Justin had to work.

The first two were not good. Not good at all. The first one's master bedroom was about the size of our closet and the carpet was stained beyond repair. The second one smelled like my Aunt Hazel's house used to...moth balls...times ten. Plus the layout didn't wow me. The third one had pretty much the same layout as the second one but these people had not only painted their walls bright yellow, black, and red, but had also painted all of the trim in almost every room and they had some lovely indoor/outdoor carpet going on throughout the whole place that would have to be replaced because I like a little plushness underneath my Flinstone feet when I walk around the house.

So on to house #4. I was discouraged. I hadn't fallen in love with any of the houses so far and I didn't think I would love the fourth one based on the pictures I'd seen. I figured we would be in the apartment forever, just throwing rent money down the drain.

But, by some miracle, house #4 was a million times better in person than it was in pictures. I immediately stepped into it and knew that Justin would love it, and I loved it too. The layout is awesome, it is in great condition, and it kind of just screamed at me that this was definitely the house that we are supposed to live in.

I gushed about the house to Justin and he was able to see it on Saturday. He liked it as well. It was harder for him to love it as much as me since he didn't have anything to compare it to (we couldn't get into the other houses that day) but I told him to trust me. And he did.

So while we were still riding the incredibly fast house-hunting roller coaster, my dad and Lea came to look at the house on Monday afternoon and liked it as well. And yesterday, our train officially arrived in Grownuphood and we made an offer on the house. Holy adult decision!

Now, don't worry. We didn't settle on this house just because we wanted the $8000 tax credit. I really do love this house and think it will be a great starter home for us. We heard back from the seller today and while he didn't accept our first offer (we knew he wouldn't), he did counter offer and we will be responding to that tomorrow. If your fingers weren't already crossed for us, do that now.

The whole process has been very overwhelming and very confusing. Me? Know something about buying a house? That's funny! But my dad has been very helpful, the real estate agent has been very helpful, and Justin has really self-educated himself with this whole process via Google, so he has been very helpful as well.

We are excited about this new chapter in our lives. I will be sad to leave our apartment. I tend to get attached to material objects/structures/houses. Let's face it, I surprise myself sometimes that I don't take off to Muncie and throw myself on the front yard of my parents' old house and cry my eyes out because we don't own that house anymore. But we need more space and need to start putting our money into something other than rent. Besides, if we have to live underneath the McStompers for much longer, we will both go crazy.

Wish us luck!

"Morning" Sickness

OK, I shouldn't complain that much. I know that some women have it much harder than I have. But I swear this baby has it out for me sometimes!

The only reason that I took a pregnancy test in the first place (a week ago today!) is the unexplainable cramps I had been having. So once I had a reason for those cramps, I guess little Leavell decided it was time to really let me have it. I have had some cramping on and off ever since then. (Now before you worry...because trust me, I did...apparently it is totally normal and nothing to worry about in early pregnancy since your uterus is making room for the baby...I've read about it...A LOT.) The first few days weren't bad...and then Friday came. I drove to Fort Wayne and had a few times where I felt uncomfortable, but around 5:30 that evening I started to get really hot, started cramping, and felt the lovely feeling of morning, um, evening sickness. I started to get really blotchy and started to break out in hives so I locked myself in the bathroom (my dad wasn't aware he was going to be a grandpa at this point so I didn't want him to see me like that). After about 15 to 20 minutes, I started to cool down and feel much better. I was happy that, though I was nauseous, I never threw up so I considered that an accomplishment.

I woke up on Saturday and felt pretty good. But sure enough, evening time rolled around and so did my 20ish minutes of feeling sick. I felt the same as the night before so I thought that my morning sickness was just going to come in the evenings.

Until church the next morning. We were sitting in church on Easter Sunday when I started to get really bad pains and cramping in my back (a fun new symptom but, again, supposedly completely normal) and started to feel sick. But, not wanting to make a scene, I braved through it right there in the pew and felt better after a little while.

Now realizing that I could realistically feel sick at any time, I was a little nervous for school. And with good reason. During third block yesterday, with a classroom full of 30 freshmen, I broke out in hives and started sweating and knew that I couldn't stay in there. I went across the hall to my department chair's classroom and asked her if she had any Tylenol (I hadn't taken any since I found out I was pregnant) and she didn't so she watched my class for a little bit while I ran down to the nurse to take a couple to at least get through the day.

Overall I haven't felt 100% on any day. The pain and cramping in my back have been pretty uncomfortable, but I know that all of this will be worth it in about nine months! In the mean time, little one, take it easy on your mama!

Telling Grandpa

Jess and I went to visit my dad and his fiance Lea this past weekend. I put the cute "I love grandpa" bib that I found at Target in a bag with some tissue paper and was ready to break the news! We were there for a couple of hours and I was really looking for the perfect moment to let the cat out of the bag. After a bout of sickness (see related post about how I've been feeling with this little one) Jess decided that I'd better tell him soon or they may start wondering why I'm feeling so bad.

So I went to where he was sitting and told him that I got him a little present. He opened it up and happy tears immediately started flowing for the both of us! I have always pictured the moment when I tell my parents that they are going to be grandparents and it lived up to my expectation. I feel that this baby will bring a lot of happiness to our family and I know he has looked forward to being a grandparent for some time now. Needless to say, he is very excited and I cannot wait to see my dad hold my baby in his arms for the first time!

Education Overload

Did that just come from a teacher? Yes.

I've known I'm pregnant for a little over 48 hours now and I'm very overwhelmed with the amount of information out there. I'm Googled what seems like a hundred different things, exhausted the BabyCenter.com message boards, started reading What to Expect When You're Expecting as well as Dr. Oz's book, You: Having a Baby. And it's a lot to take in.

For one, all of the resources out there are informative. However, they can stress you out. For instance, I've been having a lot of cramps lately (which is what made me take the first pregnancy test to begin with) and I've spent a lot of time looking up to see if this is normal. From what I can read, cramps in early pregnancy can be completely normal because it means your uterus is growing and making room for the baby, which is just the size of sesame seed at the moment. So while I've been reassured that the cramps can be normal, I can't help but be nervous that something is wrong. Ashley told me today that I can't go around being stressed and always worrying because you have to have a positive attitude and I'm really trying to keep those wise words in mind.

In other sesame seed related news, Justin is now determined for us to be healthier. I agree, of course. Let's face it, we aren't the best eaters in the world. We made out a grocery list yesterday and went to two different stores to get some healthy options. We got a lot of fruits and vegetables (more than our refrigerator has ever seen!) and chose very healthy options for dinners including more salad, more vegetables, and lots of chicken. I also got some healthy snacks for me (not one cookie made it into our cart) as well as some healthy drink options. Goodbye, diet coke. I'm going to miss you.

Jess and I are heading to Fort Wayne tomorrow to visit my dad and Lea for the weekend. While I realize it's still early and we haven't even had a doctor's appointment yet, I'm going to tell him about the pregnancy. We have always been such an open and supportive family that I wouldn't have it any other way. I found a bib at Target today that says "I love grandpa" so I put it in a gift bag and I'll just let that do the talking. I'm really excited to see his reaction.

Well, either it's in my head or it's a sign of the pregnancy, but I'm exhausted. Time for me and the seed to hit the sack!

The best laid plans...

Leave it to the English teacher to reference Of Mice and Men in the title. Perhaps you'll like this saying better: "Life's what happens when you are busy making other plans".

Our plan? Wait just a few more months to really start trying to have a baby.

Life's (God's) plan? Have a baby now.

Yep, I'm pregnant!!

Wow, it's still a little strange to even type that and realize that it's about me.

While I've been on an emotional overload during the past 24 hours, I'll tell this story the best that I remember it.

So I can't be 100% shocked that I'm pregnant. We weren't using any form of birth control, after all. I have been on the pill regularly for several years and stopped taking it at the end of January. I had one period in February and I guess I had no reason to worry that Justin and I would have trouble having children because here we are! Yes, ladies and gentlemen and teenagers of all ages, it does just take one time without using a form of birth control to get pregnant.

Let's back up a bit. On Saturday, March 20th, I went to my friend Ashley's house to visit her and her new baby girl. Two of my other girlfriends, Jess and Allison, were there as well. They knew that I was off the pill and asked if there was a chance that I might be pregnant. Well, there was but I didn't think anything of it. Being girls, we bought pregnancy tests (at the Dollar Tree, mind you, since those apparently detect the lowest amount of HCG) and I took one that night. It was negative, just as I had thought. I went about my normal, everyday, non-pregnant life.

I was supposed to be on my period that next week, but (sparing you the details) it barely came. I had some symptoms of it, but nothing really happened. Fast forward to yesterday, March 30th.

Justin was in Muncie visiting his brother and I was ironing. I started to feel cramps like I would normally feel around around Aunt Flo time and had been feeling these cramps for several days in a row. I, being a self-proclaimed doctor perfectly capable of self-diagnosing myself via Google, sat down at the computer and looked up everything that I could possibly have that would cause such cramps. Remembering that I still had two Dollar Tree pregnancy tests hidden in the guest room, I thought I would definitely rule it out (again, I thought) so I took the test. I sat it on the counter and kept one eye on it while I washed my hands and was perfectly prepared for one line to show up.

I wasn't prepared for two lines to show up.


But there they were. So I did what any normal woman does. I freaked out. I believe I ran away from the test that was sitting on the counter saying "Oh my God" over and over and over again. I didn't know what to do. I always pictured how I would feel when I found out that I was pregnant and my reaction definitely wasn't the one I had pictured. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't unhappy, just....shocked.

My next thought? I have to talk to someone. Knowing that Justin was driving home from Muncie, I didn't want to call him. I needed to talk to someone that had been through this before, someone that knew I could call and have a calm, rational conversation with. I didn't want to call a family member (remember my knowledge of maybe being pregnant was all of two minutes at this point so I didn't want to get anyone's hopes up) so I called my friend Ashley. Poor thing didn't know what she was in for. When she picked up, my second freak out began.

I rambled for what seemed like a long time about how I hadn't been feeling well and took the pregnancy test and that it was positive and that Justin wasn't there and I didn't know what to do next, etc. Thank goodness she was calm. She asked me if there was any chance that there wasn't a second line. Um, no. It was staring me in the face. She then told me that I should probably go out and get a name-brand pregnancy test (sorry Dollar Tree) and take that and if that was positive then tell Justin when he got home and then call the doctor the next day. She successfully calmed me down and I ran to get dressed. I really wanted to take that second test before Justin got home so I could be 100% sure before I said anything. One problem. He had my car.

I got dressed and then drank two glasses of water in about five minutes to take the last Dollar Tree test that I had since I didn't have my car to go to get another kind. Surely two tests wouldn't lie, and they didn't. Test number two was just as positive as test number one.


So now all I had to do was tell Justin. Again, I had always dreamed of telling him in some cute way that included some kind of cuddly baby gift, a nice dinner, and a big hug. Wrong. He walked in the door and I made small talk in some high-pitched voice that I don't know that I'd ever heard come out of my mouth before. Then I got down to it. Here's basically how it went:

Me: "I need to talk to you about something."

Justin: "What?" (getting angry or very curious...I couldn't tell which)

Me: "But you can't freak out because I'm already freaking out enough for the both of us."

Justin: "What is it?"

Me: "Sit down."

He sat down.

Me: "I think I'm pregnant."

Justin: "No way."

The rest of the conversation is a blur. It's kind of like when you get engaged and as the girl you think you are going to remember absolutely everything that the guy says when he is down on one knee and then when you finally get the ring on your finger you can't remember a thing. I do remember feeling like it was the most awkward conversation we had ever had.

I showed him the two tests that were still on the counter and told him that I needed to run to CVS to get a "real" test to find out for sure. Since we were supposed to be leaving in 20 minutes to meet my sister and her boyfriend for dinner, he stayed at the apartment to change and get ready and I went to CVS.

I came home, drank some more water, waited a little bit, and took the next test. Positive again.


Then all we had to do was let the news settle in. Easier said than done. There isn't one moment in my life where so many thoughts have run through my head at one time. Here are a few: Oh my God. I'm pregnant. I'm going to have a baby. Oh, great. My baby has had nothing but diet coke, chicken nuggets, and chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream in the first few weeks of its life. And I drank wine. Twice. And I scooped the cat litter. And I took ibuprofen.

Amazingly, Justin was the epitome of calmness and helped me down from the "freaking out" stage to the "maybe I can handle this" stage.

And here we are. After taking one more pregnancy test this morning for good measure (it was positive), I called a doctor (Ashley's doctor) and I have an appointment on April 9th to get blood work done and an appointment on May 6th to meet the doctor and have our first ultrasound. I'll be very happy after that first appointment to have just a little reassurance that everything is fine. The internet has been a curse and a blessing to me in the past 24 hours as I've Googled every little thing I can think of and been more scared and worried in this short amount of time than I have ever been in my life.

So while the plan was to wait a few more months, save a little more money, be a little more healthy, and feel a little more prepared, God had other plans in mind. And we are OK with that.

We are ready for the adventure!