Thankful for...

...him.

Oh boy!

Lawson Shane Leavell was born today at 10:33 a.m. He weighs 7 lb. 15 oz. and is 21 1/2 inches long. Everyone was surprised he didn't weigh more! He is perfect and we are so in love. More of his birth story later on!

Ready or Not

I'm having a baby tomorrow.

TOMORROW.

And I'm speechless.

Well, almost.

I go from moments of excitement to nervousness back to excitement and then to freaking out. I have so many fears, so many concerns, and so many other feelings that I really can't put into words.

I feel like I've been pregnant forever. I don't feel like it was "just yesterday". I remember the exact moment I found out. I remember what I was wearing, what I was thinking, who I called first (hi, Ashley) and how I told Justin. I remember when I first felt the baby move. I remember how I felt when Justin finally felt the baby move and his reaction to him or her. I remember a lot, but I fear what's ahead. Having a C-section is definitely not the birth plan I always imagined for myself. I always pictured my water breaking, the exciting drive to the hospital, the hard work of pushing and delivery, etc. But God and the baby had other plans. I was very disappointed at first knowing that I won't be delivering as I had always thought. But as my doctor has told me many times, the end result of a pregnancy is a healthy, happy baby and mother and that's exactly what I'm planning on and hoping for.

In many ways, we are ready. The nursery is ready. The pack 'n' play is set-up in our room, just waiting for a baby to sleep in it for the first time. The diapers are bought, the wipes are bought, all of the clothes and the blankets are clean, folded, and put away. All of the baby gear is put together and the car seat is snug in my backseat just waiting to bring Little Leavell home in a matter of days. We've even tried to prepare Maggie for what's about to happen.

However, in many ways, I feel we are not ready.

Is it bad that I can't wrap my head around the fact that tomorrow Justin and I will be parents? I know we are going to have the baby but I don't know that it's fully hit me that this baby, our little boy or girl, is going to go home with us and we, alone, are going to responsible for it. I hope that doesn't make me a horrible person.

I also hope it doesn't make me a horrible person that I fear how our marriage is going to change. I know our relationship will change; that is inevitable. But we've talked a lot in the past couple of weeks about how we both are a little sad to see our life of just the two of us go away. We have a lot of fun together. We laugh A LOT. We find stupid things to do together. I really enjoy the time we spend together. Is it natural to feel like I'm going to miss that? I hope so. I swear I'm not a horrible person. But I love Justin. I LOVE HIM. And as much as I fear the change in our relationship, I also can't wait to see him as a daddy tomorrow. I can't wait to see the look on his face when our baby is born and how he looks when he first holds him or her. I can't wait to see him experience a whole new kind of love that I don't even know he is expecting.

I fear I'm not ready for how I'm going to feel tomorrow without having my mom there. I've thought a lot about this, so much more than I've told anyone. As my sister and I grew older, my mom wanted nothing more than to be a grandmother. I feel guilty that she never got the chance. Will she know? Will she be watching as her grandson or granddaughter enters the world tomorrow? I know the answers to these questions. But I'm sad. I'm sad she won't get to hold him or her. I'm sad she won't get to cry with me and rejoice with me. I'm sad she won't get to brag and boast about her grandbaby. I'm sad that the baby won't feel the love that she would have had for him or her. Because it would have been a lot. But I'm not sad about the baby not knowing who my mom was. Because he or she will know. I'll make sure of that.

So ready or not, the baby is coming tomorrow. All approximately nine pounds of it.

Let's end this with one more of these:

How far along: 38 weeks and 6 days (will deliver tomorrow at exactly 39 weeks)

Total weight gain: Approximately....too much. I plan on losing at least nine pounds tomorrow :-)

Sleep: Ha! I wake up at least once a night to go pee and several, several more times to toss and turn. I think Justin is looking forward to non-pregnant sleep more than I am!

Best moment this week: Spending a lot of time with Justin and seeing the baby again today on the ultrasound.

Movement: At the moment the baby is putting a lot of pressure on me because little one likes to stick his/her butt and back out. My belly looks lopsided right now.

Gender: Still thinking boy but we will find out soon!

Labor signs: None! The ultrasound technician said today that the baby's head was still floating (not putting pressure on my cervix) which means my body is not ready to go into labor on its own anytime soon. Boy is it in for a surprise!

Belly button in or out? Fully out.

Cravings: Fried mushrooms from The Grill 2 in McCordsville. Justin is picking them up right now as I type this.

What I miss: Fitting into clothes. Even my maternity clothes don't fit anymore. Oh, and tying my shoes.

What I am looking forward to: Meeting our little baby tomorrow!

Maternity Photos!

I suppose I should post these while I'm still pregnant!

My awesome friend Ashley took maternity photos of me and Justin a little while ago at the Indianapolis Museum of Art. I have to admit, I was large (ha...like I'm not now) and not feeling cute at all. However, Ashley is not only a photographer, but a miracle worker because I couldn't have asked for better photos. Upon seeing them for the first time I absolutely loved them and felt that I didn't look like a big ugly blob! Here are some of my favorites. And I say some because we have a lot and I had a hard time narrowing them down. I know I chose some where you can't even see my belly, but I just thought those were good, current pictures of me and Justin! Thanks, Ashley! I can't wait for you to photograph the little one when he or she is on the outside of my belly!

Alphabetical Update

A is for attic.

Four months in and we've finally started utilizing this space in our house. Remember what this room used to look like?


It doesn't look like that anymore! We cleaned and purged and now we can walk around in there. We made a couple of illegal trips to the old apartment complex's dumpster (we're rebels), we gave Goodwill a nice-sized donation, and finally we put a lot of stuff in the attic. And by we, I mean Justin. He almost fell out of the attic one day. We laugh about it now. But at the time? I was freaking out about how my almost 9-month-pregnant self would get my unconscious husband into the car to drive him to the hospital. We got rid of a lot of stuff but still saved a lot. Because someday I'm going to be thankful that I saved every sorority T-shirt I ever had. I don't want to post a current picture of that room yet. It still has some boxes in it because we can't put books away until we have bookshelves, silly. But we were able to move the computer in there. It will probably be several more months until it looks like how I want it to look, but that goes for the rest of the house too.

B is for bedrest.

I've been resting since 11/15. I went to my regular appointment and everything looked great. My doctor asked if I was working right up until I had the baby. The answer to that was yes. She asked if I was in pain. The answer to that was hell yes. She said that if it was an option for me, she prefer I rest until I have the baby due to me not feeling well (I've had the cold from hell) and the overall discomfort I've been in. I took her up on her offer to write my school a nice little note saying that I had to be off work beginning the next day. So my last day of school was on Monday and I've been doing a lot of sitting and resting and re-positioning and more sitting and resting since then. It's been nice. Especially since you can't take any real cold medicine when you are pregnant. Plain Mucinex should not be considered cold medicine. I need the good stuff that you buy from behind the pharmacy counter and have to show ID for. And that folks, isn't good for the baby. So my days are filled with rest so my body can kick this cold before Little Leavell is born. And how do I know the exact day I'm having this baby? I know because...

C is for C-section.

You guys, the baby is huge. OK, he or she is not going to break the world record or anything. (And for your information...the largest baby ever born weighed 23 pounds, 12 ounces...holy crap...at least that's what the first website that Google came up with said...I didn't spend too much time researching.) But I've been measuring big since about half-way through my pregnancy so the doctor ordered a growth-scan ultrasound at 36 weeks. We go in for the ultrasound and the first thing the technician asked was this: "OK, who in the family has a big head?" First? Not a good sign. Second? "Me." I feel I have a large head. And I suppose I passed that onto my baby. That's probably better than he or she getting my Fred Flinstone feet. Anyway. The baby's head already measured at 9 cm. Also, the baby weighed 7 pounds. That's in the 85th percentile for weight. (I can thank the Leavell side of the family for this larger-than-average baby. Jess and I were small to average-sized babies. Shane and Justin were linebackers.) The limbs measured on track. So I asked if the baby would look dispropotioned, you know, with it's big head and regular-sized limbs and all. The technician laughed and said that no, it will look normal. Whew. She also said that it had lots and lots of hair. So we went to our regular doctor's appointment after that and the doctor voiced concerned that the baby's head was going to be too big for me to deliver vaginally. Small pelvis plus big head doesn't equal an ideal birthing experience. So she started talking C-section. She said that I could try and push, but that she thinks I'll end up with a C-section anyway, so if I just wanted to schedule a C-section (which is what she suggested) then we could go ahead and do that. So we did. Unless I go into labor on my own, we will be welcoming our baby into the world on Wednesday, 11/24 at 10 a.m.

D is for design.

Mixed things up on this blog again. I felt it needed a fresh look. And with the fresh look might come more regular blog postings. Don't hold your breath, though. But enjoy the new design. Any shade of turquoise is my new favorite color.

E is for Edna Mae.

I have the cutest baby book ever. Ever. I really wanted a baby book that was unique and modern and didn't contain Precious Moments characters on the cover. So I searched. And Googled. And searched some more. The result? Edna Mae. It's a shop on Etsy that creates some of the cutest baby books around. I mentioned at lunch at school one day that I found this baby book that I loved. However, I didn't think I could justify the price of it to Justin. Mainly because he probably wouldn't understand why a baby book had to cost more than, say, $14.99. So my friend Alyson said that she would buy it for me and that would be her gift to me and the baby. I protested. She insisted. I graciously accepted. It came in the mail a week ago and I just love it. I love it so much that I have anxiety that my handwriting will look atrocious in it and haven't written a thing in it yet. But I'll muster up the courage soon. In the mean time, check out it's modern cuteness:


F is for failed.
Failed referendum, that is. Our school corporation had a general fund referendum on the ballot a couple of weeks ago and it didn't pass with flying colors. You know what that means? A lot of suckiness coming up for Mt. Vernon Community Schools. That's the easiest way to put it. It sucks. The current government of this state has decided that education is one area it likes to shit on. A lot. So since it is cutting money again for next school year, and we were already down to what we thought was the bare minimum, we have had to cut even more. So what's ahead next year for my school corporation? Probably no sports K-8, probably no extra-curricular activites K-12, probably paying to play sports in high school, and probably several teachers and support staff losing their jobs. I say probably because no final decisions have been made. But if you have a money tree in your backyard that contains $1 million, I'm sure our superintendent would run right over and pick it clean.

G is for garage door opener.

Justin and my dad installed our garage door opener a few weeks ago. That's it. I just needed something for the letter G.

H is for Harper...for now.
This is still our #1 name pick if the baby is a girl. We've gone back and forth on it, though. Why? Because I feel it is becoming really, really popular. Two couples in our childbirth class had the name picked out for their babies, one couple in our breastfeeding class had it picked out, and another teacher at school who is due in January has it picked out for her little girl. So that makes us hesitant to go ahead with it if we have a little girl. I didn't know it was becoming so popular, but we get the feeling it is. I'm not sure if we will keep it for a baby girl or not. We have other options, but haven't really shared those with many people so we are going to keep them to ourselves for now. One name for a girl we are sure on? The middle name. No matter what first name we choose for a girl, the middle name will be Misty, in honor of my mom. We were unsure at first because we didn't think that people would think that it would flow well as a middle name. But then we decided that we didn't care what people thought (no offense, of course) so Misty will be the middle name. (Sidenote: I have a strong feeling it's a boy anyway, so maybe we don't have to worry about a girl's first name.)

I is for intuition.
I'm really worried about this whole mother's intuition thing. Will it really kick in? Will something automatically tell me what my baby needs/wants? I get it that I'm pregnant and that I'm having a baby in a matter of days. But what I still can't wrap my head around is the fact that I'm going to be a mother. Someone's mom. That scares the hell out of me.

J is for Justin.
Perhaps you've noticed that he's taken a small liking to writing on this blog every now and then. I like the new perspective. I didn't ask him to do it and when he makes nice comments about me? I don't even ask him to do that! He does that all on his own. Of course, he makes fun of me all on his own too. And speaking of that...let me clear one thing up. I wanted to help put the crib together. It just so happened that I ended up sitting on the floor and watching. But for the record, I had good intentions thankyouverymuch.

K is for Kindle.
I want a Kindle for Christmas so bad that I can't stand it. Have you seen one? They are awesome. And I'm a big dork for saying that.

L is for Lawson.
This name pick for a baby boy is definitely not going to change. This was the first baby name we agreed on and we still love it. Middle name for a boy? I'm pretty sure we will go with Shane, Justin's brother's name. I really like that name and I really like honoring a guy that has made such a great impact on Justin's life and been one of the best friends he's ever had.

M is for Maggie.
I couldn't update without mentioning her! Especially when she's had such an eventful last couple of weeks. What happened? My baby had to have surgery. (Do you think Child Protective Services will take my real baby away if I refer to my cat as my baby? I hope not.) A few weeks ago I noticed that Maggie wasn't feeling well. Call me lame, but I've had this cat for almost 12 and a half years, and I know when she doesn't feel well. She was spending a lot of time in the litter box and was acting very sluggish. I thought it might be a urinary tract infection so I got her an appointment at the vet. First of all, let's just say that Maggie hates being put into her pet carrier. Actually, hate is an understatement. She despises that thing. And please remember that my precious little kitty still has all of her claws. Imagine the massacre for the person that tries to put her into the pet carrier. That lucky person this time? Me. All by myself. Justin was at work and I made the appointment for after school. So I get home from school, shut all of the bedroom doors so that she can't go hide under any of the beds and start to go pick her up. Too late. She knew. She didn't even have to see the stupid pet carrier to know that I was about to try and put her in it. Me. All by myself. Eight and a half months pregnant. I go to pick her up for the first attempt and she peed all over me and the laundry room floor. Well, at least that answered the question the vet had. Yes, there is blood in her urine. Please try to get a mental image of all of this. In hindsight, it was funny. So after a few more failed attempts of me torturing my already sick cat, I noticed an empty Rubbermaid plastic tote sitting in our living room. Perfect, I thought. Maggie has no fear of this. In fact, she usually loves empty laundry baskets and plastic totes. So I did the most inhumane thing ever...I threw her in the empty plastic tote, put the lid on, and rushed out the door. They did some X-rays at the vet and determined that she had stones in her bladder. Well no wonder she couldn't pee as of late. The fix for this? Surgery. I cried when the vet said that. I'm lame. And I have raging pregnancy hormones. By then Justin had met me at the vet (because I frantically called him in the midst of not being able to get her in the pet carrier and he was able to leave work early) and threw me a look that said "Get ahold of yourself you psycho and stop crying over the cat." So they kept her (this was a Monday afternoon), surgically removed the stones on Wednesday, and we picked her up on Thursday. She did great. She was definitely tired for a few days and giving her two different medicines orally twice a day for four days wasn't fun but she is much better now. She now has to be on a prescription diet so that the stones don't come back. That diet? Doesn't come cheap. We take donations. Here's a picture of her on the Thursday we picked her up:

Poor little hairless belly...

N is for nursery.
This is probably my new favorite room in our house. It isn't finished yet and I'm going to do a separate post over it, but it is CUTE. One of the best things about it? This little guy lives there:


O is for orange.
To the American public--yes, it is possible to get ready for a baby if you don't know the gender of said baby. I can't tell you how many people...complete strangers mind you...that are shocked to learn that we don't know the sex of the baby. They worry so much for us that we don't have any clothes for the baby and that the nursery sits empty with white walls because we couldn't have possibly prepared it. News flash for all of those people--we have clothes. Clothes come in other colors besides pink and blue. We also have an almost finished nursery. Paint comes in other colors besides pink and blue. We chose a nice light orange color.

P is for pelvic pain.
TMI? Maybe. However, I feel I was prepared for every possible horrible pregnancy pain but this one. No one warned me about this one. My body has no clue that it is undergoing a C-section next week to have the baby so it's doing what nature tells it to--prepare for a vaginal birth. One part of that preparation? My pelvis softening and spreading for the baby to come out of it, because, naturally, that's what it thinks is going to happen. Does it not realize that I'm carrying a linebacker? Guess not. The best way I can explain the pain is that it feels like someone has kicked me in the crotch over and over and over again and then took hold of both sides of my pelvis and pulled. I hobble around like a little old lady. Justin laughs.

Q is for quiet.
We are soaking up as much quiet as we can until Wednesday. We know it's going to change then. Eek.

R is for reading.
I told Justin last week to watch for a package from Amazon in the mail. I told him that I had ordered some books I'd been wanting to read. We received the box on Tuesday. He was shocked. I had ordered seven books...all about parenting and breast feeding and what to expect in the baby's first year of life. Too much? I'm actively reading about three right now and he's reading another one. They are back-up in case an instruction manual doesn't pop out with the baby. Cause that happens...right?

S is for sleep-deprived.
I don't sleep. I toss and turn (and when I say toss...I mean I heave myself from hip to hip every twenty minutes). I get up to pee a lot. And if I'm not sleeping comfortably, Justin isn't sleeping comfortably. He also says I snore. That's still in question. But that's OK, because after Wednesday I'll be able to sleep on my stomach again and be comfortable and get a good seven to eight solid hours of sleep per night. Wait, it doesn't work like that with a newborn?

T is for twenty nine.
We celebrated Justin's 29th birthday on Tuesday. I really couldn't make it as nice as I would have liked to. But we enjoyed the evening and I made him blow out a candle on the pumpkin pie he wanted instead of cake.

U is for underwear.
I bought underwear last week. It's big. Very big. Granny panties, if you will. They are for after the C-section since I needed underwear that wouldn't rub the incision and none of the pairs that I currently own fit in that category. Justin said that to fold the underwear neatly he had to fold it twice, instead of just the one fold with my regular underwear. Needless to say, it's not cute and I'm pretty embarrassed by it. Moving on.

V is for Vera.
Bradley, that is. This box in the mail made me happy:

That contained my Vera Bradley diaper bag. I got one in black microfiber. On sale, even. Really, would I have it any other way?

W is for waddle.
I avoided it for as long as I could. However, I no longer walk. I waddle. Like a duck. Like a very large duck with a very sore back and pelvis.

X is for X-mas.
Ugh. Seriously, I hate it when people spell Christmas like that. But I needed something for X and since I haven't had any x-rays as of late and don't plan on taking up the xylophone, it just had to do. So we decorated for Christmas already. Right after Halloween, actually. We had just finished cleaning and organizing (see A is for attic) so we decided we might as well put up the Christmas decorations. Usually this activity is saved for the weekend after Thanksgiving. But we're thinking we'll be busy then.

Y is for year.
Remember back at the beginning of 2010 when I predicted that it would be a big year for us? Boy was I right.

Z is for Zzzzzzz...
Since I've been home for a week now, I realize just how much Maggie sleeps. Seriously. It's a lot. Her new favorite places? The bed in the guest room which must now be lint-rolled every other day, and underneath the Christmas tree. Really, though...how cute is this?


On that note, I'll end this ridiculously long update.