One Year Later

I apologize in advance if this post sounds like a bunch of random word vomit, but my feelings are everywhere at the moment. I just re-read the post I wrote the night before Lawson was born. It's funny how I'm feeling the same emotions: happy, sad, excited, and anxious. With no better way to say it, I can't believe my baby will be one tomorrow. I also can't believe how emotional I am about it.

I love the age that Lawson is. I love watching him play and learn and discover new things everyday. I love to hear him laugh and squeal and say "Mama." I love to watch him walk. I love his open-mouthed kisses and bear hugs. But I miss my little baby. No, this does not mean I'm ready for another one. Everyone always said that by Lawson's first birthday I would be ready for another baby. That is completely untrue. I don't want another baby right now. You never really know what everyone means when they say, "Enjoy it. It goes by way too fast." until you are putting away tubs of baby clothes in the closet and a newborn diaper falls from the extra pile on the top shelf and you can't remember when your little boy used to be that small.

I've cried no less than ten times today. I guess it doesn't help that I visited and decided on a daycare today for Lawson (Justin got a new job! More on that later). Like I said, I love the age Lawson is now. I'm excited for him to experience each new day, but I'm sad for the days that have already gone by that I'm not going to get back.

However, no matter how emotional I am tomorrow, I will not let it stop me from enjoying his birthday. I can't wait to scoop him up out of his crib tomorrow and hug him. I want to celebrate him and enjoy him and reflect on what a great year we've had with him. Being a mother really makes you feel like each new day you have with your child is a gift. Lawson is the best gift I've ever received.

Happy birthday, Bear. I'll love you forever.